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The Oil Cleansing Method broke out my forehead. One is supposed to adjust the mixture of oils if such misfortunes occur, but I donapos;t feel like fucking with it, so I just say to hell with the whole shebang. Actually, maybe itapos;s the olive oil Iapos;ve been putting in my hair that broke out my forehead...

I found some cheap exercise equipment Iapos;m going to pick up an exercise bike Saturday evening, and an Air Strider on Sunday afternoon. Iapos;m happy but not looking forward to driving. I donapos;t like the freeway because itapos;s dangerous, but itapos;s even worse when I donapos;t know the area because I have to keep a look out for my exit and stuff while simultaneously keeping an eye on the road. We have no furniture in the living room (except an old dresser that Iapos;m going to take an ax to tomorrow), so thatapos;s going to be my own personal gym. Maybe Iapos;ll move my DVD player in there so that I can watch movies while I sweat.

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G-D:�Oh for peteapos;s sake FIJ� Donapos;t you ever go out?
FIJ: I�am out.� Iapos;m at the pub.
G-D:�Only because they have wi-fi and Strongbow.
FIJ: No, not only because they have wi-fi and strongbow, but those are nice additions.
G-D:�You know, NORMAL�people donapos;t go into a bar with their laptop and research books attached to their hip.
FIJ: Itapos;s a pub, not a bar.� Itapos;s dignified.
G-D: You sure you arenapos;t British.
FIJ:...-quietly stews, knows there is no way heapos;s pulling off a battle aura on the Presence.-
G-D: Okay, at least when you are done computing go out to another hot spot and try to meet someone.
FIJ: Canapos;t, got too many things to do at the house, and then I need to sleep so I can be up for classes tomorrow.
G-D:�You know, I�know I�invented this thing a long time ago, itapos;s called a DAY�OFF.� You should try it.
FIJ: Plenty enough time for that when Iapos;m dead.
DEATH:�AHEAD�OF�SCHEDULE�ARE�WE?
FIJ: NO, no we arenapos;t. �Weapos;re behind thank you very much, and we donapos;t need you poking around.
DEATH:�ARE�YOU�SURE�THERE�IS�NOTHING�I�CAN�HELP�YOU�WITH.��I"M�VERY�GOOD�WITH�APPOINTMENTS.
FIJ: No, thank you very much, what are you doing here anyway?
DEATH: WELL�I�WAS�JUST�DOWN�THE�ROAD, MRS�B�WAS�KIND�ENOUGH�TO�STOP�FOR�ME, IF�YOU�KNOW�WHAT�I�MEAN.
FIJ:�And you decided to drop by...
DEATH:�WELL, I�THOUGHT�PERHAPS�WE�MIGHT�GET�BETTER�AQUAINTED.� GET�TO�KNOW�ONE�ANOTHER�AS�IT�WERE.
FIJ: -to G-D- Canapos;t you do something about this?
G-D: Not my imagination. �It would be an interference with free will.� I respect your rights to self thought.
FIJ: rrrriiiiiiiggggghhhhhtttt.� -to DEATH- Look, no offence, but you arenapos;t my kind of ... Thingy...so if youapos;d please Iapos;m trying to Blog.
DEATH: GOING�WELL�IS�IT?
FIJ: Was.
DEATH: -with sorrow- OH�I�DONapos;T�KNOW�WHY�I�TRY.� ITapos;S�ALWAYS�LIKE�THIS.� I�SAY�HELLO�AND�MORTALS�ALWAYS�TELL�ME�TO�BUGGER�OFF, OR�THEY�TRY�TO�GET�ME�TO�PLAY�CHESS, WHAT�IS�WITH�THAT�ANYWAY?��I�MEAN�WHAT�IS�SO�FASCINATING�ABOUT�MOVING�LITTLE�PIECES�OF�WOOD�ABOUT�ON�A�BOARD?
FIJ: Look, I enough emotional and financal problems to deal with, I canapos;t help you with yours.
G-D:�Oh go on....be a sport...
FIJ:�-to G-D- Look, playing counselor to the empitome of ends is NOT�in our contract.�
G-D:�Iapos;ll cut you a paycheck.
FIJ:�-perks up- Really?�
G-D:Sure. Here...-scribbles on a spare stone tabelt with his metaphysical fingers-� One paycheck.
FIJ: uhm.....itapos;s written out as payable in days, hours, and seconds.
G-D: Exaclty.
FIJ: - groans.-� right.� Okay, if we are going to do this Smilely letapos;s at least get comfortable. -evil grin-� You can reclien there on the coach. �Donapos;t mind the furry rug.
DEATH:�QUITE�KIND�OF�YOU.� IS�THIS�ANYTHING�LIKE�GOING�TO�THE�PSYCHOTRICKERIST?
FIJ:�-evil grin gets wider.- Oh yes.� �Very much.
SWK:��-awakes- Whatapos;s going....
DEATH:�OH, EXCUSE�ME.
SWK:�AAAAACCCCCCKKKKK-Goes ape-Sh**-
FIJ:�-laughs hyseterically.
DEATH:��WHAT�DID�I�MISS?

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amzius

Boil infection is cleared up; sulfa finished as of last night; hand healing, but will need to be bandaged while new skin grows. Alas, no Downward-Facing Dog for me. Or push-ups, thatapos;s a happy thought.

Energy slowly returning. Have been able to do a little exercise and house cleaning.

Writing progresses -- Chapter 26 of Hastur Lord, maybe 5 to go. Or more, depending on how much I play out the climactic scene. Gosh, it could take chapters...
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So last night I was getting the kids inside to get showers and such for bed and Sadie isnapos;t really wanting to come in. Nothing new there except the little boy who is following her everywhere. When he is not following her she is following him. Since this has been going on for a few days i decide to ask her what is going on and so this is the answer i got.� " Donapos;t you think Alex is soooo cute mom?" I just sit there staring at her. Then she says " We all were playing the dating game(?) the other night and Alex was my partner. And i told him i canapos;t pretend anymore I really do love you. And he says I� really love you too.� Donapos;t you think he is cute mom? We werenapos;t going to tell anyone until we were older and getting ready to get married." This actually came out as one sentence. So my precious baby is "in love" When we pointed out that this boy is 11 and she is only 9 she says that she is 9 1/2 and that look at glen and I. Guess some things backfire on us. Well we are all leaving well enough alone. And Alexapos;s mom, me, Glen, Alexapos;s aunt are all taking bets on when they break up. Of course they donapos;t know about this. But we all know how kids are. LOL.


On a different subject. Some one i know and love very much (not Glen) has prostate cancer again. They didnapos;t remove all of the prostate last time nor did they give him chemo or radiation. Any or all of them could have prevented a relapes. He doesnapos;t want to have any more surgeries so i guess you could say he is giving up. I am not allowed to tell anyone I know until they have time to tell the other people around him. But that is ok. It just sucks because this person has been apart of my life for it seems like forever. Always been there for me . And i canapos;t do anything for him because i am not even suppose to know yet. Sucks doesnapos;t it.


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Okay, now I donapos;t know what to do.

Dr. Chandler said he canapos;t tell me what to do (of course), but he favors wait and see rather than surgery right now. The complete opposite of what Dr. Lesniak said. According to Dr. Chandler, surgery on this tumor is much riskier than had been my impression from Dr. Lesniak. The tumor is wrapped around the optic nerve and the carotid artery and so this surgery would carry a larger risk of blindness and/or stroke. Larger than Dr. Lesniak seemed to think. Scary

Dr. Chandler said that since, according to my purely subjective and not very carefuly observed recollection, my vision loss seems not to have gotten worse over the past two years (Iapos;ve spent the past two years in fear and denial before finally going to get it checked out, so there is no objective corroborating data from a doctor), maybe the tumor is stable and not growing.

I dinapos;t know such a thing was possible. I thought tumors just grew and grew, even if they grow slowly. I didnapos;t think tumors ever just stopped growing on their own. But thatapos;s what Dr. Chandler said. He said basically not to mess with it if it isnapos;t getting worse.

So he advised another MRI and followup visit in 3 months, followed by MRIapos;s every 6 months thereafter. And for me to pay close attention in case the vision loss gets worse, which would then mean surgery in order to save the remaining eyesight in my right eye. But very risky surgery.

So Iapos;m not sure whatapos;s the best thing to do. I was terrified of surgery before, Iapos;m even more so now. I am perfectly happy to wait and monitor and not schedule any surgery just yet. And tentatively, thatapos;s what Iapos;ve decided to do.

But I wonder if I am just postponing the inevitable, and by doing so, endangering my remaining eyesight.

And I still donapos;t know what criteria to use to decide where to go for surgery, if (as I believe likely), I end up having to have it done anyway. I didnapos;t particularly like either of these guys. But thatapos;s not really a valid criticism, is it? Isnapos;t it a question of who has the most skill and the most experience with this particular type and location of tumor? Does it matter if they have any bedside manner or not? A neurosurgeon could be sweet and charming as all get-out, and not be skilled enough to save my brain.

I loved the atmosphere and the energy at Northwestern about a zillion times more than that at the U. Of C., but thatapos;s not really a valid criteria either, is it?

(Although Dr. Lesniak did specifically recommend Northwestern *rather than* his own hospital, the U. Of C. I thought that was kind of odd.)

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5th period yesterday was absolutely hilarious. Ever since 6th grade, me, Arkell, and Sam had this thing with the epsiode of Spongebob where theyapos;re trying to sell chocolates. And we would always make fun of how the lady talked.

So in Mr.Wallaceapos;s history class we were recording a podcast for a keynote we did, and me and Amber were in the hall with Arkell and Lucas. So Lucas was recording and we listened to it and in parts of the recording you just hear random outburts about chocolate in the old layapos;s voice. I donapos;t understand how Lucas didnapos;t crack up because me and Amber were dieing. Yeah, Arkell is my best guy friend and I love apos;em. Funniest guy youapos;ll ever meet.

Just thought Iapos;d share that with you.
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